Next week. Eight months, since our world turned upside down. Two and a half months before that, the journey showed up. It feels like it’s been at least a year. Twenty (?) years before that? We think that’s when it really may have started.
Today? Was one of the tough ones.
Do you ever allow yourself a good cry? To vent? To be ok with having a- dare I say it?-a bad day?
Some days, it’s easier to smile, and share an encouraging word. 🙂 I am all about thinking positive, speaking life, saying affirmations, and sharing inspirational things with others. Other days, it honestly doesn’t come as effortlessly as I often try to portray. This day was more of the sobering ones. The times when I’m reminded no matter how cheerfully I approach the day, there are limitations to what I can accomplish. It may be due to the pain. Perhaps the fatigue. That’s an entirely unfamiliar thing for me, but I have so much respect for those of you who are aware of what that word truly means. Wow. smh. It sounds harmless. Just a little sleepy, right? NO. It’s a can’t lift your limbs, think a clear thought, nothing could possibly keep you awake or alert…or moving, kind of tired. It is serious. Energy-zapping. Discouraging. And can be debilitating.
It may be a brain-fog kind of day. Or a swirling thoughts day. Maybe a no-matter-what you do to try and change your “state”- feeling down and sad, kind of day. I could type all night, it seems, about the possibilities of a day. The truth is-I never know what kind of day it will be. Sometimes, it’s a bright, sunny, glorious kind of day! The kind where I can walk behind the mower, breathe in the fresh-cut-grass smell, and pretend that everything is back to “normal”-kind of day. More often than not, it’s one of the days first mentioned. A need assistance walking, hold on to the walls, any steady surface, or a cane, kind of day.
I have always been a positive, sunny, chipper kind of person. The dreamer. The optimist! The let’s GO, let’s DO this, vision-casting, good word for anyone, anywhere, kind of person.
MS has changed that.
The challenge is now, can I keep the positive side present, on any day? Every day?
It’s not an easy thing to type. It’s even less easy, to do.
I am a child of the King, with a love for words. That has not changed. Called to speak, write, and encourage others, challenging them that they, too, can have permission to take the next step on their journey, no matter the obstacles that try to stop them. We can’t always see the future, but we can take the next step. As we do, the future becomes more and more clear.
I often say, if you woke up with breath, this morning, you have it for a reason. What are you called to do?
Right now, I am focused on getting through the day. Designing the next, and the next, one at a time. Gone are the days of being able to plan ahead, as in the past. I can try, but am never quite certain what those coming days will hold.
This is probably the most transparent I’ve been for months. Maybe since the diagnosis, three days after Christmas.
Some days are good.
Every day, I’m grateful.
MS truly has been a gift. I appreciate the way it has given me a voice. I pray that voice can bring hope to someone who feels like their world has been turned on it’s head. It’s a frightening experience. Like vertigo, once the spinning starts, it sometimes takes days, weeks, even months to be back to feeling like things may be calm for a bit, again.
Is your day calm, today? I trust that it is. Though I’ve been open about the reality, I still know my truth. I am called for a reason. I am more than an overcomer! This battle is already won! If you’re a praying person, I would appreciate your prayers. I cherish them, and believe in the power of the One Who hears, and answers.
Thanks for taking the time to visit this blog. The next post should be more upbeat! 🙂 I guess I just needed to vent. Do you ever? Is your vent open?
Sometimes it helps.
Thanks again,
Plus-sized faith today-
“Winning the MS-Mind Game”,
Donnarae
