Everyone has a day that does not turn out as hoped. All of us have dreams that have not yet come to pass.
Each of us.
All of us.
Everyone.
What did you used to dream about, that you no longer do? Why? As long as we have breath, there’s still a reason we’re here. What’s yours? Sometimes “life” happens. Sometimes we have to change the date of a dream, and sometimes? We change, and grow, and a new dream is born. I have been called to speak, to write, to encourage. If the body I’m in tries to keep me from that, I will simply do what I can, when I can, where I can, with what I have. Don’t stop what you know you are here to do. Yes, it sometimes feels like the dreams I once had, are gone.
For days, and weeks…and months, the enemy has fought hard to discourage me. He thought by giving me MS, and placing the lesions in a place that causes depression, that he could stop my praise. This has not been an easy year. I have not been vocal and transparent about everything, every day. Today? I want you to know this has been the most challenging year of my life. The year my mom passed was incredibly difficult, but His grace and peace passes all understanding, every time we need it. I’m so grateful.
Though we believe it’s been ongoing for years, undiagnosed, today marks exactly one year on the documented MS journey. A year since we ended up in the ER. A year that started a myriad of testing to determine exactly what was/has been happening. A year of pain, both mental and physical. Of confidence-shaking, shadow-making, trial and error, of failures and victories, of joy and overwhelming, dream-crushing sadness…a beautiful, blessing of a year–stepping our way with His help, through this path called MS.
I know it is only the beginning. I know I am blessed with sweet friends, and an amazing, perfect-for-me love that I am exceptionally grateful for every day, and the truth that I also know the path we now walk, is a gift. This journey is giving me my voice. I have had to re-group, this year. Slow waaay down. Actually put some things I truly enjoy, and love to do-on hold. Even needed to put a halt to some.
When yet another hope is crushed, and the pang of disappointment is strong, yes…I admit that I am not happy and smiling all the time. Sometimes the tears fall. But-
I’ve never lost my praise.
He is so incredible. He’s a good, good Father. A Friend like no other. My Rock. My Comforter. In Him will I trust. His mercies are new every morning. The sun always shines again. And this?
This will not be the end of my story.
It is only the beginning. I have put off writing the book that’s inside me. It feels too hard. But, life? Every day is a blank page, and I choose to live this life with a grateful heart. Because He cares, we can.
What(or who) has tried to steal your joy? The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Jesus has come to give us life! Amazing, abundant, and more-than-we-could-ever-ask-or-even -think, life!
Today, with His help I can say:
I have MS.
And I am obsessively grateful.
Plus-sized faith today-
“Winning the MS-Mind Game”,
Donnarae